Friday, June 13, 2025

新同學

「露茲!拿鋸子過來!」露茲挺胸大聲叫出來後,恢復正常音量,對著四周的同學繼續說:「這次可能很嚴重,連鋸子都要出場!」

露茲是班上新同學,來自南美洲一個叫的的喀喀湖的地方。她還補充是秘魯那一邊的,因為這座湖分屬於秘魯和玻利維亞。她說:「這座湖百分之六十是秘魯的。但是如果你問玻利維亞人,他們一定會說玻利維亞才擁有那百分之六十。」

露茲是烏魯斯族人,留著一頭烏黑長髮,而且一定綁成兩條辮子,尾巴還掛著五顏六色的彩球。露茲說她一早起來就先把頭髮綁起來。她很得意地說:「我從六歲就學會自己綁頭髮了!彩球也是我自己做的。顏色不可以亂用,因為每個顏色都有含義。例如紅色裙子就只有結婚的女人才可以穿。」

露茲很愛分享的的喀喀湖的大小事,班上同學也很愛聽,每天午餐時間都圍著她。因為對同學來說,烏魯斯人就像外星人,不僅風土民情特殊,連腳下踩的地都不一樣。

露茲對烏魯斯文化非常自豪,第一天上學就說:「烏魯斯族以前住在本島,但是印加帝國大約五百年前來襲,我們只好離開家園,尋找新的落腳處。陸地上有敵人,湖中有的是托托拉蘆葦。祖先想,如果家園是可以隨時帶走的,該有多方便!祖先砍下蘆葦綁成捆,就變成浮島、房子、床墊……等等,當然也順便做成船。我划到學校的那艘小船就是爸爸做的。」

同學邊啃手上的炸雞腿邊驚呼:「你划船到學校?」

露茲得意回答說:「我從八歲起就自己划船上學了,因為大人都忙著抓鳥、捕魚,準備一天的食物啊!連學校都是用托托拉蘆葦做的喔!」

班長問:「托托拉蘆葦到底是什麼?」

「是一種野草,可以說是長在水上的芒草,但是很好吃。」

同學哈哈大笑:「哈哈哈,所以你家像糖果屋一樣可以吃喔?那不就邊睡邊啃床墊!」

露茲急忙解釋:「不是啦!曬乾的托托拉蘆葦才拿去做東西,新鮮的根部很好吃,像甘蔗一樣甜甜的,而且……」露茲露出潔白的牙齒:「多咀嚼托托拉蘆葦還能讓牙齒變白喔!我划船到學校的途中就會找托托拉蘆葦叢,砍幾根來吃。」

班長問:「等一下,你說它是野草,曬乾的野草不會腐爛嗎?」

「當然會呀,而且漂在水上更容易爛掉,害我們的島一直沉下去。所以我們必須勤砍蘆葦。旱季時每月一次,雨季時就每隔一到三週。砍完後把蘆葦曬一下,再拿去鋪地板或修房子,但是三十年後一樣沒救,得重新做新的漂浮島,讓舊島回歸自然。」

這時候一半的同學叫:「哇,好酷喔!」,另一半同學叫:「哇,好累人喔!」

「還好啦,划船到學校才累呢。風平浪靜時只要四十五分鐘,天氣不好就需要兩倍時間,有時風浪大到乾脆請假。」

幾個同學興奮得跳起來說:「哈哈哈,那不就像台灣一樣放颱風假!」

「嗯……我不喜歡放假耶,因為在我們的漂浮島只有我跟妹妹,沒有其他小朋友,而且我們的漂浮島很小,大概只比這間教室大一點點而已。學校的浮島還有小小運動場可以讓我們跑來跑去。而且我想當醫生,這樣我妹妹生病的時候,媽媽就不用划船到本島去找醫生。本島很遠耶!」

啃雞腿的同學舉起手上的雞腿骨說:「那我要當救護車司機……啊不對,是救護船的船長,哈哈……

另一個同學叫道:「那我要開計程船!」

「我也要……我也要……」全班熱鬧起來,吵到老師以為有人打架還跑來看。


******


今天她分享她爸爸和叔叔吵架的事。

愛吃雞腿的同學問:「哇,你叔叔想學奪魂鋸把你爸爸鋸成兩半喔?」今天他吃烤雞腿。

露茲皺著眉頭問:「奪魂鋸是什麼?」

班長說:「別理他,那是超恐怖的恐怖片。」

「喔,好!叔叔氣爸爸沒把漂浮島固定好。其實以前也發生過。爺爺換新的漂浮島時,爸爸先做別的事,想說明天才綁。結果那天晚上風很大,全家半夜時被巨大撞擊嚇醒。」

同學問:「你們也有地震喔?」

「秘魯是位於地震帶,但這不是地震,是撞到別人的飄浮島。」

「哈哈哈……」全班同學大笑,「我們是撞車,露茲是撞島耶,哈哈哈……

「所以阿,一定要固定好。」

班長問:「怎麼固定島啊?」

「先用繩子把漂浮島綁在尤加利木樁,然後把木樁打入湖底就能固定住。」

班長追問:「你不是說你的島小小的,怎麼種尤加利樹?」

「尤加利書是跟本島買的,我們的島只能種一點點青菜,但是土壤也是從本島來的。我們可以做人工魚池,做漂浮島的時候留洞就好。」

雞腿同學揮揮雞腿抗議:「班長別再問啦,我們想聽鋸子的故事!」

其他同學也抗議:「對啊,島撞島之後呢?」

露茲臉笑笑地說:「那是塞翁失馬,我爺爺的漂浮島撞到我外公的島,所以我爸爸才認識我媽媽。」

幾個女同學尖叫:「哇,好浪漫喔!」

雞腿同學不耐煩地問:「那鋸子哩?」

露茲眼睛睜大說:「這次啊,我們全家都被吹到玻利維亞了!很遠耶!好在我們的漂浮島不大,全村用幾艘汽艇一起把漂浮島拖回去,但叔叔覺得很浪費資源,畢竟大家都很忙,要捕魚、抓水鳥、修房子之類的,每天都有很多事要做。」

「跟鋸子有什麼關係?」

露茲模仿鋸木的動作說:「叔叔氣得決定把我們的漂浮島鋸成兩半,讓爸爸的家自己漂走。爸爸辯解說叔叔給他太多事,害他沒力氣。叔叔說爸爸太愛作夢,做事不專心。兩個人在那邊爭吵好久。」

一個同學說:「我最討厭大人吵架了,大吼大叫的好恐怖。」其他人紛紛點頭。

「對啊,我也怕,所以我動也沒動。結果是奶奶起身進她的家,出來時拿的不是鋸子,而是掛在她家牆上的毯子。奶奶走到爸爸跟叔叔面前坐下,開始刺繡。」

雞腿同學說:「咦,用針把一座島切開,要切到什麼時候?」然後哈哈大笑。

露茲打斷他的笑聲說:「不是啦!你知道嗎,烏魯斯族女人很會編織和刺繡,繡上去的圖案有時候是神話故事,比較多的是自己的故事。奶奶有一幅巨大的掛毯,結婚前就開始編,爸爸和叔叔出生以後開始刺繡,把他們生命中的每件大事都繡上去。」

露茲從書包裡拿出一塊方巾,上面繡了一隻蘆葦叢中的鳥。她說:「這是我繡的,奶奶的比這個大十幾倍。」

同學們搶著看,大喊:「哇,好美喔!」

「奶奶就這樣靜靜刺繡,把爸爸跟叔叔吵架的畫繡下去。爸爸和叔叔應該是吵累了,吵架的聲音漸漸小到不見。爸爸和叔叔看到奶奶坐在那裡刺繡後,走去奶奶那裏,坐在奶奶的左右兩邊。」

露茲再從書包裡拿出一個小飛機:「這是我爸爸做的,雖然是用蘆葦草,但是真的可以飛,你們看!」說完,露茲把小飛機拋上天花板。小飛機繞著班上飛行好幾圈後緩緩降落,而且落在露茲的桌上。全班同學驚呼。

「說我爸爸愛作夢,不如說他愛想些有的沒有的東西。爸爸的手很巧,常用蘆葦做出奇怪但很有用的好東西。也是因為這些東西,我們才會搬來這裡,我才有機會當你們的同學。」

雞腿同學邊問邊收拾便當盒:「你爸爸做一台飛機讓你來喔!」

「不是啦!是一個遊客看到爸爸的創意後,問爸爸要不要來到這個國家為他工作。的的喀喀湖是觀光旅遊聖地,尤其是因為漂浮島太特別了,很多遊客坐船探望我們的社區。這對我們是好事,不然只靠抓鳥、捕魚過活的話會餓死,因為最近這幾年魚跟鳥的數量越來越少了。」

雞腿同學開心地邊跳邊說:「所以我們也可以去的的喀喀湖囉!耶,我要在那裏游泳!」

露茲抖著說:「游泳?你會冷死喔,平均水溫只有十四度,而且我們沒辦法洗熱水澡,因為不能用瓦斯。我們島上都是乾燥的蘆葦草,小小的火花很容易釀成火災!」

「那你們吃生食喔?」

「吃熟食阿!在戶外的蘆葦草上先鋪一塊大石板,上面才放土窯。這就是我們的瓦斯爐,可以燉藜麥啊、煎魚啊、炸薯餅啊、烤野鳥啊……

雞腿同學抓住班長的手臂,用力搖晃說:「哇,有烤鳥腿耶!那更要去啊!班長,你跟老師提議,下次校外教學去參觀漂浮島。」

全班興奮起來:「贊成……

班長轉身,用另一隻手勒住雞腿同學的脖子笑著說:「你知道秘魯有多遠嗎?那是要坐一整天的飛機耶!」

全班同學失望尖叫:「什麼……


******


上學期的最後一天午餐,有同學問露茲:「你會想念的的喀喀湖嗎?」。

露茲說:「會啊!尤其是美食,你們知道嘛,秘魯有四千多種馬鈴薯。」

全班同學大叫:「四千多!怎麼吃啊?」

露茲眨眨眼睛回答說:「用嘴巴吃啊, 哈哈哈……

班長睜大眼睛問:「難道你們是用馬鈴薯發電?」

她說:「不是啦!每座島上只有小小的太陽能板,蓄電量很有限,如果晚上想看電視的話,大家得趁還有陽光的時候趕快寫好功課、做完家事。」

有的同學問:「所以你晚上睡覺的時候不開夜燈?你好勇敢喔!」

「還好啦,我們家只有一個房間,起居室兼臥房,所以爸爸媽媽睡在旁邊而已,沒什麼好害怕的。只是半夜上廁所有點問題。我有一次因為還沒完全睡醒,結果上廁所時不小心掉進湖裡,冷死了!所以我超愛這裡的熱水,想洗多熱的水就有多熱。」

雞腿同學揮一揮他手上的滷雞腿說:「那你一定很喜歡這裡,肚子餓?去買就有東西可以吃了。想天天看二十四個小時的電視也沒有問題。」

露茲沉默一陣子後,回答說:「是沒錯啦!可是這裡吵了 一點,而且看不到星星。我好懷念在夏天的晚上,全家披著厚厚的棉被,躺在漂浮島上望著天上的星星,一望無際,非常清楚。有時候聽奶奶講神話故事,有時候是爸爸或叔叔亂編故事,他們的故事有時候比看電視精彩呢!」

露茲嘆氣說:「來到這裡後生活便利一百倍,但是也變很少看到爸爸,媽媽說老闆很喜歡爸爸天馬行空的點子,但是爸爸的教育程度太低,老闆覺得爸爸如果再去讀書,會更能發揮潛力。所以爸爸最近邊工作邊準備考試,才那麼忙。」

同學問:「讀書有差喔?」

露茲回答說:「應該是有,不然爸爸的老闆不會要求。對了,媽媽說,如果爸爸申請到那所學校,下學期我就得轉學。因為爸爸的學校在其他城市,離這裡很遠。」

結果寒假結束後,當全班同學都坐好時,露茲的座位依然空著。

老師說:「各位同學,露茲全家得去大城市了。」老師從包包裡拿出一封信說:「這是她寫給你們的信。」

老師把信打開,開始念:「親愛的同學,我現在住在一座超級大的城市,這裡好多高樓,還有會自己開的電動車,但是沒有湖、沒有蘆葦草、夜裡也看不到星星。最悽慘的是,沒有你們陪我吃午餐。爸爸看來也不適應,他昨天晚上竟然把蘆葦飛機拆了,重新組裝,變成一座迷你漂浮島。」

老師從包包裡拿出小小蘆葦島,放在講台上,然後繼續念:「爸爸在島上放了一根小小的蠟燭,然後放進浴缸裡,再把蠟燭點燃,接著關掉浴室的燈。火光照在水上,好像又回到的的喀喀湖。我突然想把這座小島留給你們,希望你們不忘的的喀喀湖的故事。更希望我們有一天可以再一起吃午餐。祝大家天天開心!」

老師讀完信,全班安靜了一下。雞腿同學突然說:「哎呀,所以午餐時間就沒有人講故事啦!」

班長說:「 換你說故事好了!」

老師說:「欸,好主意!你們輪流講故事、或接力說故事?把故事寫下來寄給露茲。」

「好啊不要啦」,有同學贊成,多數同學抗議。

老師把手舉起來:「好好好!開始上課啦!」

那天放學後,班長提議,有故事的同學就寫在紙上,折成紙飛機,寄給露茲。

 

******

 

太陽祭的任務

 「在哪裡?琪琪在哪裡?」

我焦急穿越人群,東張西望,尋找披著紅色斗篷的六歲小女孩,但我個子太矮了,頭再怎麼伸長,眼前依然只見大人的臀部。

「糟糕,大家都穿紅色斗篷,我要怎麼找琪琪?哎呦,我怎麼會把她搞丟呢?」

奶奶整個早上不斷叮嚀我:「今天是太陽祭,人會特別多,你要跟著琪琪走喔!」

琪琪愛亂跑啊,我有什麼辦法?而且那隻貓咪真可愛,我只是追過去一下,回頭一看,琪琪就不見了。如果琪琪跟著我看貓,我們就不會失散了。但我心知肚明,責怪別人沒什麼用,解決問題才要緊。這一家人救了我,本來有一餐沒一餐、流浪街頭的過日子,現在我不僅有三餐,還偶而加宵夜耶!

「啊,琪琪喜歡看娃娃,她可能在那裡。」我趕緊跑去藝術大街。多位婦人已經把攤位擺在地上了。花花綠綠的手工編織品舖滿街,各種尺寸的駱馬和羊駝玩偶在那裡排排站,誘惑著我。


「呵,拿一個把玩一下⋯⋯咦,等等,前面,她在前面!」

我衝過去生氣戳她的手。她回頭淒慘尖叫,一個高大男生馬上把她抱起來,氣得把我趕走。

「慘了,戳錯人了!」我得在被揍之前趕緊離開。

我繼續在人群中尋找,走到一個人群特別多的路,多到連我這麼小的個子都擠不進去。

「找高處!」

我決定去廣場中間那個人工山丘,於是慢慢倒退,轉進小巷子。我記得從烤肉店那家的後門可以穿越到廣場去。

我把門推開,一股香氣衝進鼻孔。我嗅了一下,「哇,今天特餐是天竺鼠耶!」我不由自主地跟著香氣走到石板烤爐前。

「喂!你在幹嘛?走開!」廚師從外面大包小包走進來,然後大吼:「阿迪,我不是叫你把爐子看好嗎?你跑去哪裡?門也沒鎖⋯⋯」廚師趕緊把東西放下來,跑去烤爐盯著,繼續碎碎念:「東西快烤焦了啦!阿迪⋯⋯

我趕緊離開廚房,穿越餐桌,到前門去。可憐的阿迪,不管他是誰。這位廚師真是名不虛傳的兇,說不定下一個進烤爐的是阿迪呢!

我終於走到廣場。山丘上有一尊閃閃發亮、比人還高的雕像。排隊想合照的人群還真長,排到我看不到盡頭。我可沒時間慢慢排隊啊!我決定穿越那些人,直接走到最上面。

「喂,你插隊呀!下來!」有人想把我抓下來。

「好可愛喔!沒關係啦,就一起合照吧!」另一個人說。

我不管他們,繼續在山頂看呀看著。遠方傳來嗶嗶聲,是警察吹哨想控制人群。原來隔壁一條大街清空了。人人拿著手機、相機,擠在道路兩旁。突然鼓聲響起,接著是排笛聲加入,我的腳忍不住跟著節奏跳了起來。突然「嗚⋯⋯」海螺響起,一排穿著慶典服裝的人上街,邊走邊揮舞,場面非常壯觀,有個全身只披山獅皮的少男在舞者間跑來跑去。

「啊,那不就是山獅哥哥?琪琪可能去找山獅哥哥了。」

我興奮跑下山,跑去追山獅哥哥。在山丘上看起來很近的大街,實際跑起來還真遠。今天天氣特別好、天空特別藍、太陽特別大,曬得我都快中暑了。但我有重要任務在身,所以我死命尋找琪琪,只是沒力氣跑了。

路上的人越來越多,有的牽著小羊駝,脖子上掛著一串絨球,看起來很可笑。更多人頭上頂著高腳塑膠椅,還有人一口氣背著一整疊高腳塑膠椅,穿越人群大聲喊叫。有人拿幾張鈔票跟她換幾張椅子。也有人拿鈔票爭取跟路邊的小羊駝合照。都沒人找我合照。感覺上大家喜歡笑笑的臉,例如羊駝。但是如果我露牙笑給人家看,他們反而會嚇得逃走吧?

很難懂吧?

我繼續隨著人群移動。走呀走著,已經走到下一個廣場。那些人停在廣場周圍,把高腳椅放在地上後站上去。後面的人也跟著這麼做,站在椅子上的人越來越多。這時我很慶幸自己個子瘦小。我從椅子中間穿越到廣場。幾個壯碩男丁剛好也走進廣場,有的手上握著金色棍棒、有的秀出厚布。一個老先生把一長串打很多結的繩子亮出來時,我只想到「拔河」兩個字,於是衝過去想跟他玩。結果有人把我抓住,回頭一看,原來是警察先生。


這時突然有閃閃發亮的東西刺痛我們眼睛。警察叔叔轉身護眼,所以鬆開抓住我的手,於是我趕緊逃跑。我回頭一看,沒見到警察,只看到一排人抬轎,轎上站了一個壯碩男子,胸口掛著一長串閃閃發光的金屬片,原來亮光是從他身上發射出來的,就像天上的太陽。我邊跑邊叫:「太陽叔叔謝謝你!」,但他好像聽不到,反而引起廣場旁的人群注意,大家笑著拿手機拍我。看到他們這麼開心,我也哈哈大笑起來。我只顧著邊跑邊笑,差一點撞到人。

「你怎麼在這裡湊熱鬧啊?」原來山獅哥哥聽到我的笑聲後跑來找我。「琪琪說你跑丟了。走,我帶你去找她。」

「琪琪!」我腦海裡出現常常偷拿奶奶炸的玉米粒給我吃的小女孩。

我急著想趕去找琪琪,但山獅哥哥還在假扮山獅,慢慢爬過走,有時還露出牙齒,威脅站在廣場旁的人群。不可思議的是,竟然有一個爸爸把小女生抱過去跟山獅哥哥合照!什麼嘛,我露出牙齒他們就跑。真不懂他們為什麼老覺得我是大壞蛋。

走著走著,我們終於走到廣場中間的樹下。那裡有個也批著山獅皮的人坐著休息,是一位姊姊。她的旁邊躺著一個小女生,就是琪琪!大姐姐手指放嘴前,叫我安靜。原來琪琪睡著了。我在她身邊轉三圈,確定這裡安全後才躺下來。我搖著尾巴,望著山獅哥哥用眼神誠懇的示意:「謝謝!」

山獅哥哥摸摸我的頭後就去廣場那裡。現在廣場中沒人跳舞了,一百多人全都跪下。只有廣場中央的人來回講話。 人類真厲害!這麼熱的天氣還在地上跪幾分鐘,動也不動耶。我的狗直覺告訴我這樣一定很辛苦!但是有兩個人提著一大桶水給他們喝。如果大姐姐沒有從琪琪的包包裡拿水給我喝的話,我一定會衝過去跟他們要水,因為真的很熱!

隔了一段時間後,廣場中的人又站起來跳舞。琪琪揉一揉眼睛也醒來了。她看到我就開心抱緊我的脖子說:「你找到我啦!」雖然我難以呼吸,但是並沒有把琪琪推開,只說:「小姐,我不能呼吸啦!」琪琪看來有聽沒有懂,因為她回答說:「對,我知道你看到我也很開心!」然後親著我的頭。至少沒有勒我脖子了。

太陽快下山,廣場的人邊跳舞邊離開。廣場四周的人也慢慢解散。山獅哥哥牽著琪琪的手離開,這次我跟緊在後,希望他們要走回家。我餓扁了。

山獅哥哥真的帶我們回家。我從巷口就聞到一頓豐盛的晚餐,是烤天竺鼠耶!我迫不及待邊跑邊叫,直接衝進家裡。奶奶看到我笑了一笑,摸著我的頭說:「今天有沒有很乖?」

我說:「有有有!」

奶奶從桌上拿我的盤子下來,裡面已經放了烤天竺鼠:一整隻耶!我咬到最喜歡的角落,邊搖尾巴邊細嚼慢嚥,奶奶看到我只是搖頭。

琪琪和山獅哥哥也走進來。他們圍著餐桌坐下來後開始狼吞虎嚥。

山獅哥哥向奶奶興奮地說:「參加慶典好過癮喔!果然需要排練幾十次才能熟練。大夥都演得很順暢。」

琪琪說:「可是奶奶,我看到王后和國王進場後就睡著了。大家都跪下來,變得好安靜喔!」

奶奶笑著說:「沒關係,你還很小。但你知道我們為什麼要慶祝太陽祭吧?」

琪琪手上拿著湯匙舉起來回答:「因為那是我們的新年!」

「對,但是不只喔!印加帝國被西班牙打敗後,很多文化失傳了。因為西班牙人不希望印加人又壯大起來。」奶奶指著牆上餐桌前的牆,在全家照旁邊掛著一長串有結的繩子。奶奶繼續解釋:「奇普是印加人的書寫方式,用結繩來記載事情。牆上那個是我們祖先留下來的,可惜現在已經沒有人會讀了。」

奶奶感嘆說:「太陽祭其實也失傳了一陣子。十六世紀西班牙人當家之後,他們禁止舉辦太陽祭,直到二十世紀在秘魯政府的支持下才重新開始。現在變成全球數一數二的節慶呢!世界各地的人特地飛過來跟我們一起慶祝,多讓人驕傲啊!所以阿,我們⋯⋯

奶奶的聲音開始若隱若現,最後消失,因為我睡著了。

那年暑假

「哪裡有外星人?」六歲弟弟把眼睛瞇著又睜開,還是看不到。

「在山坡上那邊啊!」十四歲哥哥用還沾著油畫顏料的手指向遠方。

「好可愛的外星人啊!」隔著走道另一邊的媽媽伸出手,拚命拿手機錄影。

爸爸只低著頭,左手用力抓著膝蓋,連指節都發白了,右手拿著嘔吐袋。

「接下來是最後的納斯卡線⋯⋯」機長繼續飛。

這台飛機很小,含兩位機長只能坐十四人,小到乘客可以清清楚楚地看到機長在做什麼。座位分兩排,一排六人。上機前得先秤體重。弟弟本來笑哥哥胖,結果因為重,所以哥哥和爸爸反而坐在機長正後方,能欣賞機長開飛機的英姿。瘦小的弟弟座位在最後面。他本來鬧著要跟爸爸換位置,但爸爸解釋說為了安全,越重的必須坐越前面,飛機才飛得穩。

「好,坐右排的乘客再過5秒鐘會看到蜂鳥」機長宣布:「準備好⋯⋯五、四、三、二、一 ,右邊的趕緊看!」

 坐在左排的弟弟試著結開安全帶想站起來看,機長馬上說:「弟弟請你坐下來,這樣太危險了,等一下就輪到你!」小飛機轉了一百八十度後,機長說:「好,現在坐左邊的朋友往下看,在機翼正下方⋯⋯


「看到了看到了!」哥哥興奮地拍拍手。其他乘客也興奮大叫:「好壯觀啊!」

「哪裡啦?只有一大堆線啊!」弟弟簡直把鼻子貼在機窗上了。

「在那邊啊!」媽媽把手機抬高,指著手機螢幕跟弟弟說:「你看這條線,像不像鳥喙?」

「媽媽,妳坐太遠了啦!爸,你有看到嗎?」弟弟生氣大叫。

爸爸只把左手舉起來,臉色蒼白,動也不動。

「你別吵爸爸啦,他很不舒服!」媽媽邊說邊用手機拍爸爸。爸爸看起來真的很不舒服,連瞪媽媽的力氣也沒有。

「好,我們再飛大約一小時就回機場了。感謝各位搭乘納斯卡線航空!」機長宣布說。

一下飛機,弟弟就搶走媽媽的手機說:「到底怎麼看啦?」哥哥邊敲著他的頭邊很跩地說:「小朋友,用想像力看!」弟弟生氣地出手想回敬哥哥,但是他早就跑走了。攙扶爸爸走路的媽媽大喊:「你們兩個夠了沒!」

一回到飯店,哥哥上網搜尋有關納斯卡線的資料,有時大聲說:「哇,蜂鳥的長度是九十三公尺耶。禿鷹更扯,一百三十四公尺!」安靜一段時間後又叫:「天啊,有一個德國女考古學家兼數學家為了解納斯卡線的謎,在那裡住了二十五年耶!竟然到死還是找不到答案,好慘!」

弟弟假裝沒在聽,在床上靜靜躺著看漫畫。

那天晚上,弟弟夢到一堆線纏著他,像在海產店魚缸裡的魚一樣,被漁網纏到無法呼吸。


******


「你真的要坐前面?」爸爸問弟弟,「船的前座是最顛簸的,你會暈船吐滿地喔!」 

「他可以的,讓他坐吧!」媽媽摟著弟弟,在他耳邊假裝講秘密一樣,但還是用正常音量說:「別跟老爸說你聽媽媽的話乖乖吃暈船藥,不像爸爸。」

爸爸只翻白眼說:「幼稚!」然後一個人坐在後面。這艘小遊艇有三十個位子,分成兩排。哥哥和媽媽陪弟弟坐前座。其他乘客也是陸陸續續坐了下來。乘客穿好救生衣後,船就開航。站在船長旁的導遊開始講解:「今天風很大,請大家保管好自己的東西,尤其是帽子。如果帽子被風吹走了,請舉起手,然後揮揮手跟帽子說拜拜!」大家哄堂大笑。

弟弟很得意地跟哥哥說:「還好我前天把帽子弄丟了。」

哥哥回答說:「白癡,這有什麼好得意的?」

弟弟回頭跟媽媽說:「媽,哥哥罵我白癡!」

媽媽邊拍照邊說:「哥哥,身為大的就要⋯⋯

⋯⋯當榜樣⋯⋯」哥哥嘟囔地說。「知道啦!」

「現在各位請看左邊山壁上,」導遊指著遠方說:「有沒有看到納斯卡線?」

弟弟站起來興奮地叫:「有有有,這個好清楚喔!好像我畫的樹耶!」

哥哥反駁說:「哪有,明明是海神的三叉戟。」

導遊笑起來說:「其實都有可能。也有可能是仙人掌喔!古印加人為了看到未來,會刻意吃仙人掌。」

「仙人掌可以吃喔?」哥哥問。

「可以的。有些仙人掌有迷幻成分,吃了之後就產生幻聽幻覺。古印加巫師把此現象解讀為預測未來的超能力。」

哥哥回頭看弟弟說:「哈,如果我吃了之後看你,一定會看到一隻豬。」

弟弟打哥哥的手臂叫:「媽⋯⋯

媽媽翻白眼跟哥哥說:「你怎麼這麼愛欺負你弟啊?」

哥哥摟著弟弟的脖子說:「他很好笑啊!」

說著鬧著,船也開到幾座小島附近。導遊說:「我們已經到了,鳥島!」

哥哥東張西望地說:「咦,鳥島不是應該很多鳥嗎?沒想像中壯觀呢?」

導遊解釋說:「你說得對。這是因為去年這一帶遭受禽流感襲擊。你知道得感冒的鳥生存機率多少嗎?」

「嗯⋯⋯五十趴。」哥哥猜說。

「十⋯⋯」弟弟也搶著回答。

哥哥輕輕敲他的頭說:「你到底懂不懂趴數啊!」

「弟弟很接近喔!」導遊說,「是兩趴!」

「哇⋯⋯」全船叫了起來。

導遊繼續說:「去年又是聖嬰現象。這片海域的面積雖然只有全球海域的0.1%,漁獲量卻占全世界一成,蘊含豐富的海洋資源,但聖嬰現象導致海水溫度升高,海洋生物活不下去。已經虛弱的鳥獵不到食物,加重病情。」

他指著島上的懸崖上說:「今天我們看到的數量只有正常的10%。這些鳥是去年那2%的生存者及其後代喔!」

乘客都沈默了起來。

導遊接著說:「正常來說,這一帶可賞到數千頭海獅和海豹。但因為聖嬰現象,魚都死光了。沒有魚吃的海獅和海豹開始吃病鳥,結果自己也生病,有些跑到岸上,甚至到離海一公里的小鎮找人求救。」

「所以現在看不到海獅和海豹是因為生病而死光嗎?」後方乘客提問。

「不是。牠們繁殖得不錯,但前天7.2級的大地震引發巨浪,海獅和海豹跑去別處避難。」

哥哥用手肘戳弟弟說:「就是你帶衰啦!」

「你很討厭耶!」弟弟把哥哥推開後,生氣轉頭望著遠方的石頭堆,結果發現石頭中好像有東西在動。弟弟瞇著眼睛努力地看,然後指著那個地方問導遊說:「先生請問,那個是不是企鵝?」

導遊望著弟弟指的方向,然後興奮地說:「對對對,那邊有三隻企鵝。你們看到了嗎?牠們跳下來了,應該是想要下水。你們看⋯⋯

「看到了,看到了!」其他乘客也興奮起來。

「看到後趕快看這一側,牠們游得非常快⋯⋯跳了跳了⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯快往這裡看! ⋯⋯耶!」大家都很興奮,拚命拿手機拍,遙遙望見三隻企鵝浮上海面後繼續游到消失在遠方。

「這些島嶼有人住嗎?」有個乘客發問。

「這是保護區,只有兩個保全阻擋想干擾鳥群的人。你們知道這座島為什麼很重要嗎?」

「因為要愛護自然!」開始有信心的弟弟搶答。

「是沒錯!但也因為鳥糞。」導遊指著島上白白的東西解釋說:「一位德國生態學家發現島上的鳥糞比其他動物的排泄物更適合當肥料,鳥糞從此可以變現。生意好到秘魯、智利和西班牙都因此開戰!」

哥哥回頭打量著弟弟,說:「看來鳥糞比你值錢耶!」

「懶得理你!」弟弟繼續專注著遠方尋寶。

離開鳥島之前,又是弟弟找到寶。遊艇轉向,準備回到碼頭時,弟弟看到一側岩石上有兩頭正在做日光浴的海獅。導遊解釋,這兩頭回來,表示這個地方還是五星級飯店!

那一天晚上,弟弟夢到跟三隻企鵝一起下水。在游泳期間,三隻企鵝變成九隻,九隻變成八十一,八十一變成數不清。他們自由自在地游向大海,在那裏已經有數千頭海豹和海獅在等著……


******

Friday, March 07, 2025

Wednesday Laundromat

 A Fire That Spiraled Out of Control

The flames raged on, unstoppable. The wooden ceiling of our laundry shop crackled and collapsed, piece by piece. With each falling plank, Mom screamed louder, sobbed harder. If Dad hadn’t been holding her back, she would have thrown herself straight into the inferno.

Then, suddenly, a shadow flickered in the fire. A short firefighter emerged, cradling something in his arms. As soon as he reached the entrance, he collapsed. Thankfully, two other firefighters were already there—one caught him, while the other grabbed the "something" from his arms.

It was my baby sister.

Eight-month-old, screaming but safe.

The firefighter rushed her to a waiting ambulance. Mom and Dad bolted after them, spoke to the paramedics, and climbed in. I wanted to go too, but Grandpa held me back.

“We’ll just get in the way,” he said firmly. “You’re ten now—time to be responsible.”

So I stood there, stuck with Grandpa and our barking dog, watching as our family’s laundry shop was swallowed by flames.

The firefighters battled on, but the fire didn’t just spread—it rolled. It billowed upwards, gathering itself into a blazing sphere. When it reached the rooftop, it stopped… then stretched out fiery claws toward the ice cream factory across the street.

No amount of water could stop it.

Because this wasn’t just any fire.

This was—

Oh. Sorry. I should probably start from the beginning.

It All Began With a Costume Contest

Let me introduce you to Wednesday’s Laundromat, a self-service laundry shop my great-grandfather founded. It sits right across from the town’s ice cream factory.

By day, it’s just like any other laundromat. Customers? Ordinary. Housewives, office workers, professors—you name it. The things they accidentally leave behind? Also ordinary. Socks, coins, buttons. The weirdest find? A single loose denture.

But come Wednesday evenings, magic happens.

The glass door starts to ripple, as if someone tossed a pebble into a pond. Through it, the mirror-image of the neighborhood ice cream factory vanishes, replaced by a bizarre little town. Buildings of all shapes and sizes sprawl across the landscape—some large enough to house a T-Rex, others barely big enough for a hummingbird. Their materials? Anything from wood and stone to glimmering crystals.

And the customers? Not human.

Elves, fairies, goblins, and monsters of all sorts stop by to do their laundry. And they leave behind the most fascinating things—coins, socks, buttons—except, well, not quite.

Their coins come in star shapes, ranging from five to nine points, all crafted from colorful crystals. They look like macaroons—so tempting I once nearly took a bite. Their socks? Alive. I tried slipping one on once, only for my dog to snatch it up. The sock, unimpressed, smacked my dog right on the nose. My dog yelped and hid under a table. I laughed so hard I cried.

And the buttons? They change color. Some whistle. Some even sing. I don’t understand the lyrics, but the tune sounds like a mix of birdsong and guitar strings—strangely soothing.

Too bad we can’t keep any of it.

Everything goes to Mr. Z.

Mr. Z is the border patrol officer of the fairy realm—the only one who speaks both human and magical tongues.

Every last Wednesday of the month, he arrives to pay the laundry fees and collect the forgotten items. He’s tall and wiry with a gaunt face and a tiny ponytail perched on his head. He's always draped in a tattered blue-green robe. His dark brown leather satchel looks as old as time. He rarely speaks, and when his business is done, he vanishes—like he can’t stand lingering in the human world.

Once, I worked up the courage to ask him why he chose Wednesdays Laundromat.

He actually smiled.

It was the kind of smile Grandpa gives when reminiscing about “the good old days.” Then, he pulled out a sheet of paper and something that looked like a pencil—except the tip split into four prongs, like a chicken’s foot. Each prong was a different color: blue, red, yellow, black.

He spread the paper on the table and started drawing.

At first, it was just a few simple lines. Then, the lines moved. They slithered across the page, forming a complete picture. I leaned in, mesmerized.

And suddenly—I wasn’t in the laundry shop anymore.

I was soaring through the air, flitting above elves dressed in flower petals and leaves. One elf was picking fresh petals, discarding the old, wilted ones. I watched it carry the withered petals home… but I couldn’t follow inside. After a while, it left them by the door and walked away. Moments later, a goblin-like creature swooped in to collect them.

The scene shifted.

Now, I was inside the home of a party-planning elf. No signs or labels, yet somehow I knew. Three elves sat around a table, deep in debate. One wanted to host an extravagant event. Another complained it was too much work. The first argued, “We’re just coming up with the idea! The hard part is for the attendees!”

Then, the third elf turned to me.

“What do you think? Should we host a costume contest?”

The scene shifts to the town center. The contest was a hit. Every elf in town dressed up in dazzling, elaborate outfits. The entire town burst into color. But once it ended, everyone became obsessed with looking fabulous.

And so, they started harvesting petals and leaves en masse.

A few elves plucking flowers? No big deal. Hundreds doing it? A full-blown ecological disaster.

The honey-making elves and caterpillar fairies were the first to panic. Their food supply was disappearing. Fearing starvation, they armed themselves with weapons to protect the flowers. The fashion-obsessed elves grabbed stones, ready to fight back.

It nearly escalated into war.

Until Mr. Z marched into the middle of the battlefield and roared, “QUIET!

Everyone froze.

Then, Mr. Z explained, “Humans make clothes out of fabric—cotton, linen, wool. It’s reusable, but it must be washed to avoid hygiene issues"

The paper on the table suddenly turned blank. I rubbed my eyes, but it was still white.

Mr. Z walked over to me, collecting the paper as he spoke. "With fabric, the elves can wear as many fancy clothes as they want, but they don’t like doing laundry. They think hand-washing clothes is a waste of time. Some elves sweat heavily, and they want to use magic to get rid of the smell, but it doesn't work because the scent in the elves' world is magical by itself."

"I told them humans have washing machines and suggested we let humans help the elves with laundry. The elves started arguing. They really wanted to let humans do the laundry but were afraid to meet them, so they decided to send me to the human world to find a reliable laundry shop. That's why I ended up here."

"After passing through several towns, I found the people of this small town to be very down-to-earth. I observed your family’s laundry shop and chatted with your great-grandfather for a few days, feeling that he was trustworthy. Then I began to explain the elves’ special needs.”

Mr. Zen smiled, like remembering something, then said, “At that time, your grandfather had just been born, and your great-grandfather was in a particularly good mood. He was skeptical, but he thought if elves could play with his son, it wouldn't be too bad. Plus, it was a steady income—why not? We reached an agreement, and on Wednesdays, we started doing the elves’ laundry with peace of mind."

And so, every Wednesday evening, the glass door ripples, and the fairy folk arrive. They don’t push open the door. They simply walk through it.

Which brings me to my biggest question:

“If fairies can come here, why can’t I go to their world?”

I’ve tried everything—pushing, pulling, running headfirst into the door (ouch). Nothing works.

Mr. Z just chuckled.

“Ever heard of Cinderella?”

I snorted. “Who hasn’t?”

He smirked. “You do know it’s a true story, right?”

I blinked. “What?”

He nodded. “Long ago, humans and fairies coexisted. But Cinderella’s tale gave humans the wrong idea. They believed magic alone could solve their problems—no hard work needed. People started hunting fairies, mistaking them for fairy godmothers. The real godmothers, furious, hid the fairy realm forever.”

I gulped. “So… I’ll never see it?”

He shrugged. “Only children can still sense it. But as they grow up, life gets too busy. They stop believing. And when that happens…”

He tapped my forehead.

“…the door stays closed.”

I stared at the glass.

Would I, one day, stop seeing the ripples too?

The Hot-Tempered Rascal

When the elves waited for their clothes, they were just like humans. Some would put their clothes into the washing machine and leave, returning only when the wash was done. Others stayed to read books, but most of the elves were playing. They loved to play, even the hundred-year-old goblins with their white beards. When waiting for the washing machines to run, they would come to the counter to find me. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand elf language, so there weren’t many things we could do together. 

The elves loved to play human card games, especially Slapjack. They could play for hours, sometimes not stopping until dawn. I’m not sure what would happen if they didn’t return… Actually, I don’t know what happens to the elves who don’t go back, because they always go back. I certainly wouldn’t stay and play that long; after all, I had to go to school the next day!

The dog was different. It would stay with them the whole time. Even though some elves were mischievous, like riding on its back or calling it to run around the laundry shop, there were also "dog slaves" in the elf world. When they came to wash clothes, the dog would comfortably lie under the table, letting the dog slave elves give it massages and such.

This Wednesday was like any other. As soon as school was over, I hurried home to finish my homework, eat dinner, and then went downstairs with the dog to the laundry shop to wait for dusk.

"Ding dong," the bell above the laundry shop door suddenly rang. A short and stocky middle-aged man pushed the door open. He was wearing a very well-fitted and seemingly expensive suit, although it was old and the fabric had pilled. His face was flat and square, with small eyes, fair skin, and slick black hair, reminding me of an Italian mob boss from the movies, but also of Shrek. He was carrying a small birdcage covered in black cloth.

I was startled because Dad usually never forgets to lock the door. I immediately said, "Sorry, we’re not open today."

After placing the cage on the ground, he looked around and then said, "I’m not here to wash clothes. I’m here to see Mr. Z."

Oh my, his voice sounded like a six-year-old. I almost laughed.

For some reason, his way of asking about Mr. Z seemed so natural, so I replied, "Mr. Z only comes on the last Wednesday of every month."

He impatiently said, "I’m S, and I need to see him now!" 

He then squatted down, pulled out a black salamander from the cage, which was as long as his arm, and shouted, "Z, come out, or I’ll squeeze the fire spirit to death!" He raised his hands high and started choking the salamander by its neck. The salamander struggled fiercely, its belly turning red and glowing, like lava. 

Suddenly, the man screamed in pain and quickly let go of the salamander. The salamander fell to the ground and opened its mouth, spewing out flames. The flames gathered and began to roll, like a giant monster, swallowing everything in front of it. 

I was completely terrified, frozen in place as the fireball grew bigger and bigger.

A Fire That Spiraled Out of ControlContinue

I don’t remember how I left the laundry shop, or how Dad, Mom, and Grandpa managed to escape, or who called the fire department. All I know is that I stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the fireball.

The fireball devoured the roof of the ice cream factory, consuming everything in its path (including several tons of ice cream). Then, something miraculous happened! The fireball started to shrink, getting smaller and smaller, until it suddenly disappeared with a “poof!” It seemed that human ice cream had cast its own magic on the elf’s fireball.

Mr. Z appeared at some point, and I saw the fiery rascal (huh? How did he age so fast? It’s like he lived twenty more years in a single night!) talking to Mr. Z with an agitated expression, growing louder and louder, almost shouted, even pushing him down. The police on-site quickly intervened and stopped the fiery rascal. I don’t know what they said, but in the end, they took him away.

Mr. Z and Mr. S

I followed Mr. Z and Grandpa past the laundry machines that had been burned into scrap metal. The dog was extremely nervous, staying close to my feet. The ceiling still dripped with water, and the sound of drops hitting the machines made the scene even more desolate under the faint moonlight.

Mr. Z stopped in front of a washing machine, touching the soot on it. He took a deep breath and said, “I was involved in this too, right? Mr. S was once my best friend. We played together as children and suffered together. Despite being good friends, our views were miles apart. Mr. S always thought life was tough, so he wanted to live better, even if it meant hurting others. I believe life is hard, but there are always people who suffer more than I do, so I’m content.”

Grandpa nodded, looking at the scorched ceiling. “That’s absolutely true.”

Mr. Z smiled at Grandpa and said, “You’re such an optimistic person.”

I was confused and asked, “Huh, so being easily satisfied isn’t a good thing?”

Mr. Z looked at me and replied, “Well it depends, I think. I got off track. Ah, there’s a coin under your feet!” He bent down, picked up the coin, and handed it to me before continuing, “When humans started capturing elves, Mr. S wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to rise up, so he dragged me into becoming an elf hunter. You have to know, capturing elves is no easy task. Ten thousands elf hunters might only catch one or two elves.”

I shouted, “Wow, that sounds like an impossible mission!”

Mr. Z chuckled and said, “Exactly! So, we decided not to capture elves. Instead, we started making elf-hunting tools and selling them to elf hunters. To convince others that our tools were effective, we decided to create a fake elf. Well, 'create' isn’t quite the right word; we actually captured it. Mr. S was responsible for designing the tools, and I went into the forest to find salamanders, because humans believed fire elves looked like salamanders.”

We walked outside, and Mr. Z sat down on a long metal bench in front of the laundry shop, looking very tired. But he continued, “I found a very peculiar salamander. Its skin was pitch black, but its belly was glowing red, like it could spew fire.” Mr. Z looked up at me and said, “That’s the one you saw. At the time, I had no idea it was a real fire elf. We ended up selling a lot of hunting tools, and they sold really well. Later, I realized that because we had a fire elf, the tools we made carried the fire elf’s magic—the elf’s light—which made it easier for the elf hunters to spot elves. But being able to see them and actually catching them are two different things. Elves are incredibly fast, so the number of hunters who actually caught any was still very few, and our business started to decline. Mr. S thought it was too slow, so he decided to catch dwarven elves and keep them at home.”

I raised my hand and asked, “What’s a dwarven elf?”

Grandpa, sitting next to Mr. Z, answered, "The dwarf elf is called 'Leprechaun.' It’s an elf that loves to collect gold. If you capture it, it will grant you three wishes in exchange for its freedom. But its magic only relates to wealth."

Mr. Z nodded and said, "That's right. We took the fire elf into the forest. Perhaps because I had a special connection with elves, we came across a group of elves who were moving. As soon as they saw us, they screamed and ran away. That was the most sorrowful scream I’ve ever heard in my life. I was stunned, but Mr. S was quick. He grabbed the flute of the musical elf. The musical elf seemed very uncomfortable, crying and pleading with Mr. S to let go of its flute."

Mr. Z paused, his expression serious. Then he took a deep breath and continued, "It seemed that Mr. S lost his mind and started squeezing the flute, forcing the musical elf to tell him where the dwarf elf was. The musical elf twisted in pain, let out a scream, and fainted. I couldn’t bear to watch, so without thinking, I punched Mr. S to knock him out, took the flute from his hands, and scooped the elf into my arm and ran deeper into the forest."

Mr. Z looked up at the moon and said, "I kept asking other elves for help as I ran. After a while, I had no idea where I was. Midway, I kicked something and was thrown into the air. I thought to myself, ‘This is going to hurt so much.’ But it didn’t! My face crashed into a thick and soft layer of moss."

Mr. Z's gaze softened, and he continued, “I looked up and saw the most enchanting fox in the world. It was a nine-tailed fox! I had arrived in the elf village. I fell in love with the nine-tailed fox on the spot, and because I was tired of human greed, I asked the elves to let me stay, without considering my good friend.”

It turned out that Mr. S had really captured the dwarven elf and could indeed make three wishes, but he had a trick up his sleeve. His third wish was to get three more wishes. He used this trick so many times that he eventually forgot that his wishes were already used up, and the dwarven elf gained its freedom.

Before leaving, the dwarven elf laughed at Mr. S and said, “Your good friend, Mr. Z, lives in the elf world and is a thousand times happier than you.” 

Mr. S initially didn’t take it seriously and continued living a luxurious life, but money always runs out. He remembered the words of the dwarven elf and decided to find Mr. Z, hoping to force him to capture a few elves to serve him.

Mr. Z pinched the bridge of his nose, looking extremely tired. “I caused his downfall. When we were together, I kept reminding this guiding him. Was it my disappearance that led him astray?”

Grandpa walked over and sat beside him. “I don’t think so! He’s not a helpless baby who can’t think for himself. Whether a person grows up or not is a choice they make. After all, we might leave this world before them.”

It took me a few seconds to understand what Grandpa was saying, and then I threw myself into his arms, crying, “Grandpa, you can’t leave me!”

Grandpa smiled, lifted me onto his lap, and patted my head. “Good child, I’m not saying now!”

Mr. Z looked at us and took a deep breath. “I’m still really sorry. I caused your laundry shop to burn down like this.”

Grandpa responded, “That wasn’t your fault! Life is full of surprises. You coming to my laundry shop was also a surprise. I’m very grateful. You gave me, my son, and my grandson the chance to play with elves, something no amount of money could ever buy for a childhood!”

Mr. Z nodded. “You have a point. But what will you all do now? Elves can’t come to the human world. Otherwise, they could rebuild it all in no time.”

Grandpa said, “Don’t worry. As long as we’re alive, there’s always a way. Didn’t my father start from nothing?”

The sky outside slowly began to brighten. Mr. Z took a deep breath, then stood up and said, “I should go find a new laundry shop. Thank you for the help your family has given for these hundred years.”

We stood up too. Grandpa shook Mr. Z’s hand and said, “Farewell!”

Mr. Z looked at me, then squatted down and hugged me, softly saying, “Please grow up happily!” He scratched the dog’s head, then turned and left.

That was the last time I saw Mr. Z.

Magical Laundromat No More

Grandpa and Dad worked together to rebuild the laundry shop, with some fairy-tale touches, but Mr. Z never returned. I like to think that in some corner of the world, a little child is playing cards with elves! And that's just fine!

Decades passed, and now I'm almost a father myself. I turned the coin Mr. Z gave me into a necklace. Whenever I think of Mr. Z, I touch that coin and quietly say to him in my heart, "I've grown up happy!"